A four-year-old girl, hugging a doll in each of her little arms, looked at her mother and said, “Mama, I love them and love them and love them, but they never love me back.” One of the most difficult realities about love is that loving someone never guarantees being loved in return. This is because genuine love involves giving, and giving or sharing is the very essence of love.
A story is told about a young man who was determined to win the affection of a woman who had refused to even speak to him. Convinced that the way to her heart was through the mail, he began writing her love letters. He wrote one every day. Six or seven times a week she received a letter from him. When she did not respond, he increased his efforts and began sending three notes every twenty-four hours. In all, he wrote more than seven hundred love letters. Ironically, because of all the letters being delivered, the woman eventually married the postman.
Loving someone is easier when love is reciprocated and the giving is shared. However, even mutual affection does not fully demonstrate the true nature of Biblical love. The Bible teaches that God is love (1 John 4:7–8). Notice that Scripture does not say that love is God; rather, God defines what love truly is. The nature of God determines the nature of love.
The Bible also teaches that “no man seeks God not even one” (Romans 3:11). Therefore, it is only because God first loved us (John 3:16) that mankind can respond to Him and learn to love others. This is why obedience to God is so important in the life of a believer. As we obey Him, our nature is transformed (Romans 12:2; Galatians 2:20), and the fruit of that transformation becomes evident in our lives (Galatians 5:22–23). One of those fruits is love.
This is how we know whether a person is truly saved and a genuine disciple of Christ—by the fruit they bear (John 13:34–35). Jesus taught:
“You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:16–20, NASU)
Many people can demonstrate certain characteristics of love, but not everyone can consistently display love as a way of life. For example, a person may be kind but not forgiving. They may treat others well as long as they are not offended or hurt. Their love depends upon being loved in return. Consequently, their love eventually fails.
Biblical love is different because it flows from God’s nature. Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:7–8). Such love is not sustained by circumstances or by the response of others. It is sustained by the character of God Himself.
Therefore, the nature of love is determined by the nature of God (Matthew 22:36–40; 1 John 4:7–14). The closer we grow to Him, the more His love becomes evident in our lives, enabling us to love others not merely because they love us, but because His love has first transformed us.